My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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