Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
