Define "chronic" masturbator.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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