DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Pants are for mortals
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
