then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
