I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He shit in the fireplace
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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