apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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