If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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