We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
