this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
