we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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