if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
