I haven't been this sober since birth.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
