Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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