im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
