Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
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woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
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He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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