i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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