1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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