fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
