The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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