I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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