1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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