Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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