It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
