If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
