i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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