Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have tasted many bathrooms
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
where are my eyebrows?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
