You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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