this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
