The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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