So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
