i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
