You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
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drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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