I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
