gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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