shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
