I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
my liver is dry heaving
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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