i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
