Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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