I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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