fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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