im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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