I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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