Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
