I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize