dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
