Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
