The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
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I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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