Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
