he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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