My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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