Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
