Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
