Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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