thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
