I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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