I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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