You can't special order awesome
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
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And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
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Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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